Now I know why they call it the downward spiral. You keep going in circles but it gets worse and worse. You see the same things happening to you, affecting you the same way, but still find yourself there over and over again. And if you get them same feelings, then you must be doing the same things, right? But isn’t that living? Repeating the acts that get you by? We are creatures of habit, comfortable in routine. Even the punk rockers that are spitting on this right now do the same shit over and over again. Even if it’s constantly packing shit and hopping trains. It’s a habit, a way of life.
So… oh yeah, what the fuck do I do when that downward spiral is my habit? When life’s routines cause them same damn feelings that make me cry without a sound? Before you say the obvious answer of “change my life,” I’m not a fucking retard. I do not take my life for granted. I know from the bottom of my low-self-esteem heart that I have a good life. Family, friends, and enough money to afford my music, drugs, and comic books. So why can’t I shake this feeling of falling slow? Where else is there to go after you hit rock bottom? Up or sideways?
Well I went with sideways and guess what? There are people living down here, scraping their weary bones to fit the shape chance sees fit. Let them be fully bathed and cleanly clothed, and they still drag along in the filth, struggling to make it one more day. And though they struggle and hurt, they hold onto one thing: when you’re already on the bottom, things can’t get any worse. Because they know this, their smiles are honest.
So here’s to… (Goddamnit, this is a toast. Go pour yourself a shot.)
So here’s to walking the rock bottom, where you’ll find me, spiraled all the way down, with the biggest fucking smile on my face.
(Clink, slurp, slam.)
- P. Deflex